Ye Olde Blog Post

I’m pretty sure they weren’t even called blogs when I wrote this:

WOW, I tell you what. If you want a degree in life, be a cashier for about two to three months. You will discover theses things:

1. All stereotypes are true

2. Old people gossip like a motherfucker

3. You can’t program the receipt to give hot girls your phone number

4. Everyone thinks you 16

5. You get tired of those motherfuckin snakes on that motherfuckin register (love that movie)

So, I’m cashier today and some lady that smells of adult beverage and shes trying to tell me something and shes like “AWeahuisoabsfjbasbf” and I’m like “Excuse me?” Rinse and repeat for like 5 mins. I hate people, and there was no point in what I just wrote. Who cares!

Well, lets take a look at the news!

HEADLINE: OMG WHERE IS SURI CRUISE

Who the fuck cares? Do we honestly obsess over the daughter of two Scientology wackos? Which leads me to my next piece:

(WARNING, IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE ABOUT YOUR RELIGION: STOP BEING A WUSS AND READ THIS)

Scientology. Alright, what is it and what does it do. Well, luckily I had an EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW with the inventor of Scientology, a man we shall call TOM

Andrew(A): Welcome Tom. Thanks for taking the time to do this interview.

Tom (T): You quite welcome!

A: So, Scientology. What exactly is it?

T: Well Andrew, Scientology is a really advanced religion. I could tell you the insance back story that I totally made up, but do you want to really know what its about?

A: Absolutly!!

T: Well, everyone knows the story of Jesus, how he was nailed to the cross and the resurected. Islam’s had Moses and his trek across Saudi Arabia. Hindu’s have their Budda and his 8 or 12 arms. So one night, I’m sitting there thinking “Hmm,  I think I can one up all these motherfuckers!” So, I made up some crazy shit about aliens leaving their souls behind and creating humans. I mean, think about it! Jesus had a stupid cross, I’m talking ALIENS MAN. MOTHER FUCKIN ALIENS. Who doesn’t want a piece of that sweet action?

A: You do know your probably going to hell….right?

T: They have money in hell right?

A: Uh…..sure

T: Wow, thank God!!….I mean, that Xhulalsjashd, or whoever the fuck I said started this crazy religion! Where’s the bank at here?

A: Thank you for your time.